Regress Report
by Bernard Brandt
Since I wrote my entry entitled “Lamentations”, much has happened, little of it good.
Since then, my wife Beth has gone down hill, both figuratively and literally. For the last week, she has not eaten even the little that she had been eating before. She drank only enough (teaspoons) to take the morphine and other pills that she needed against the pain. Her mouth, being dry, or perhaps, because of her progressive weakness, is unable to frame the words she wants to say. Her speech is now a quiet, indistinct mumble, except when she is crying out from the pain, or calling for help.
But worse, because she could no longer transfer from bed to commode or wheelchair, she needed help on a constant basis, 24/7, and would wake me every five minutes during the night. The resulting sleep deprivation was driving me to the point of madness.
Finally, during the nights when she was not calling for help, she would work at attempting to get out of bed while I slept briefly. She would of course fall, and it would take a 911 call to get several EMTs to get her back into bed. This has happened three times, the first on the morning after the Fourth of July.
It has gotten to the point where I can no longer take care of her adequately. Her needs have grown to the point where I no longer have the skill set nor the endurance to help her.
After the first fall, I called hospice care and asked that she be transferred to a convalescent home. I asked Beth about this, and she told me, with such words that she still had, that she wanted it too. She had been asking that it be done for a few days before, but I could not bring myself to do this.
Please pray for Beth. Unless she starts drinking water or something, I fear that she will be going soon.
Random Conjectures 
Bernie: The best practical advice I can give you is to work closely with the hospice folks, and let them guide you. The hospice team that worked with my mom in her last two weeks was fantastic. They showed us how to continue to give comfort to Mom as well as take care of her physical needs, and to assure her that she had our permission to go when she thought it was time. You might take a look at the book “Final Gifts”, by Maggie Callahan and Patricia Kelley. I found the advice and perceptions in this book extremely enlightening in preparing for my mom’s death.
You are, of course, in our thoughts and prayers.
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For patients who can no longer swallow, liquid morphine can be administered under the tongue to alleviate pain. (That’s what Jon had.)
I well remember the sleep deprivation! Even with a daily visit from the hospice nurse and the help of my adult children, I was half dead from exhaustion by the time Jon died.
As always, you will both continue to be in my prayers.
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Bernard,
I was very sorry indeed to read your latest post. Be assured that this poor sinner’s prayers from this side of ‘The Pond’ are with you and your wife.
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Praying for both of you. T.
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God be with you and her in this sad migration ex hac luce.
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I am at a loss of words, but only can say I love you both and I am so glad I could help Beth to become a Certified PATH INSTRUCTOR. That I can say is my most happy time with her, remembering how proud she was to have achieved her power and identity this way. Thru horses, which she dearly loved.
She would say ” when my feet are on horse ground everything is good “
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Dear Lea,
I would like to thank you, and all the good folk at Ride to Fly, for the help that you all gave to Beth that allowed her to be an instructor, and for all of the good times we had there. It was a blessed time.
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